it's hard to name this rant

no, you don't understand.

it's hard to push through this.

things that should've made me

climb the 9th cloud, they didn't.

i am not happy 

for all the good in my life.

i am not happy 

when things i wanted so badly

finally nest around me,

screaming our silent victory.

funny, i don't even want to share 

with you or with anyone

all my should've been happy moments.

it's hard to push through this.

nothing is exciting

though it was all i looked forward to.

insignificant things strangle me

and for all you know, i'm overreacting.

you take me for a fool, don't you?

no, don't lie that you understand.

you don't. 

tell me you don't understand the tears

of hopelessness and despair

when everything is fine to your eyes.

tell me you don't understand me.

trust me when i say 

i don't understand it either.

for all i know,

these horribly insane days

are hard to push through.

i wish i had a reason to feel suffocated.

i wish i saw the hands 

that try to strangle me to distress.

i wish i suffered knowing why.

i wish i could tell you.

i wish i could tell you how you could help.

but, i'm blindfolded and

it's hard to push through this.

Gayathri Tamilselvan

April 15